Servicable. That’s generally how I felt about last night’s red carpet and ceremony. When a Meryl Streep win is your big surprise upset, well, your sense of theatricality has faltered. And Hollywood wonders why it has to beg people to see movies these days. There weren’t any swans or backward tuxedos this year, but I’m sure we can find something to talk about.
Image from Just Jared
Say one thing for this girl–she is consistent. In keeping with her sadsack SAG Awards dress, Kristen came to the Oscars as a Sad Dust Mop. Get it together, Wiig.
Image by Red Carpet Fashion Awards
Loved it. I’ve heard criticism that the front was too blousy, but I disagree. I think it’s beautifully draped in contrast to the slim hip she’s working and va-va-voom back.
Image by Constantce Zahn
This dress was divisive. I agree with the esteemed Fug Girls that it could have used better tailoring, but not so much that I think it ruined the overall ensemble. Rooney Mara has an unusual look and she’s running with it. I liked the quirky, ethereal fabric and the whimsical bustline. It felt like a grown-up, less angsty Lydia Deetz. Has Tim Burton cast this girl yet? You know that’s coming.
Image by Pop Sugar
It’s not so much the fabric or the cut of this dress that is a problem for me, but the smell. Yes, even through the television screen, this dress reeks. Of desperation. As for her areola’s star turn on the stage? Let’s not dignify that with a response.
Image by The Mirror
I’m calling out Melissa’s friends, because they are straight up bitches. Some douchebag stylist wraps your friend in a cloud of vomit colored chiffon and you say nothing? Bitches. Those sleeves. THOSE SLEEVES! Lorelai Gilmore, where are you when we need you to mercifully dump coffee on an unacceptable dress!? Melissa, please call. I can help.
Image by LuxeFinds
People have feelings about this dress. I nearly left it out of my recap because I don’t really get all of the hoohah about it, but I felt like I would be remiss not to include it for discussion. Is it really so polarizing? It’s a white column. Yeah, sure, there’s a cape. But not like, A Cape. I think it’s…nice. Perfectly…nice. Elegant, if a little dull. Of course, I was perhaps the only person on the planet who didn’t love GOOP’s celebrated [Ed.Note: ill-fitting, wrinkled, cheap-looking] pink frock at the 1999 Oscar’s, so maybe I have a blind spot when it comes to Gwyneth.
Image by IBtimes
Boy, I really want to like this dress. The color is a knock-out and the general sillouette is nice. But it looks like someone took a box cutter to the hem. Also, her boobs. They are not right. They sort of look like how boobs might appear on a statue sculpted by a person who had never actually seen boobs before, but whose assistant had described them verbally.
It was nice of Shailene to drop by after her wedding to Warren Jeffs.
Image by Highlight Hollywood
Did you…did you think we wouldn’t notice? That is just straight up your bra. I don’t even know why you’re AT the Oscars, but lady, have the decency to wear the right undergarments. You’ve got a lot to keep up; I feel ya. But maybe that dress is not for you. Even your highly visible bra is not doing them justice.
Image from Just Jared
I covet this dress. It hits the all important WOW factor without the unfortunate …WHOA factor.
Both Ellie Kemper and Berenice Bejo looked fantastic, but I have little more to say other than: Shiny! Pretty!
I take three things away from this year’s Red Carpet:
- Kate Middleton really did bring back sleeves in formal wear.
- Wedding dresses for red carpet?
- Hollywood stylists still wholey flummoxed by boobs.