How To Be Terrible At School: A Primer

Step 1. Open reading assignment

Step 2. Read 2 paragraphs

Step 3. Pace around house giving lecture to imaginary people on why opening paragraphs were wrong.

Step 4. Realize you misspoke in lecture. Revise.

Step 5. Sit back down to continue reading.

Step 6. Realize you haven’t purchased one of the books you need for this week’s readings.

Step 7. Go to Amazon. Hope the book is available on Kindle. It isn’t. Notice that Amazon is recommending you buy the second book in that YA series you started over Christmas, which IS available on kindle. Google to make sure you’re purchasing the second one and not the third one, because WHY DON’T PUBLISHERS NUMBER THESE THINGS?! Purchase that book.

Step 8. Remember why you went to Amazon in the first place. Return to homepage.

Step 9. Oooo, swimsuits!

Step 10. Search for the book you need again. Purchase a paperback version, which will not arrive in time to read for your class tomorrow, but at least you won’t have to do this again next week (yes you will, you still need to buy the course packet, only available at Pitt’s bookstore.)

Step 11. Maybe you should walk to Pitt’s bookstore and buy the course packet. Exercise and homework in one activity! Responsibility! (Pitt’s bookstore is closed for the same reason you have the day off.)

Step. 12 Write a blog post

Step 13. TBD